Job Qualification: Parent of Twins

When Hanna and I decided to have children, part of our reason was to encourage our own personal growth. We didn't want to become an old, cranky couple, wrapped in our own lives, focused on careers or hobbies while forgetting the larger, more important things in life. I'm pleased to say that this goal has been met. Yes, I often answer the question, "How are you today?" with some expression conveying fatigue or exhaustion. It's also true that the disposable income I used to reserve for concert tickets, video games, or kitchen gadgets now goes toward car seats, tiny shoes, and an almost unbelievable amount of children's ibuprofen. I do get a lot of things in exchange for the lack of sleep and cash, however, not the least of which is seeing the way two small humans light up whenever I come downstairs first thing in the morning, or hearing the thump-thump-thump of my small herd rushing to the door when I get home from work.

I expected these sorts of experiences, and the feelings that go with them. You hear and read about the joys of parenthood all the time -- at least when you're about to become a parent. What I most certainly did not expect was the positive impact that the father of twins would have on my career. Yes, I'm often pumping enormous amounts of caffeine into my system to get through the work day, but looking back at the last couple of years, I've become really good at managing multiple projects, multitasking, working under tight deadlines -- all of those qualities that job ads list after the phrase, "The ideal candidate will . . . " Sometimes, I wish I could put "father of twins" on my resume, right along with my degree and certifications. Those three words encompass a range of skills:

Multitasking:

When you are caring full time for not one, but two brand-new humans, in addition to working part time to pay the bills while your spouse works full time, you quickly learn about multitasking; that, or you become buried in dirty laundry or die of starvation. When the twins were first born, they woke up hungry every three hours, and it took an hour to feed and change them both. That left only two hours per cycle to do everything else that needed to be done: laundry, cooking, cleaning, my job, as well as formerly trivial things such as sleeping and showering. We quickly learned to have multiple things going at the same time. The clothes dryer took about an hour to finish, and once loaded could run unattended. That meant I could be doing laundry while I was changing diapers, or sleeping. My crock pot became my favorite thing in the kitchen (well, after the tea kettle), since once it was filled dinner could be cooked basically unattended. Heating bottles for the boys took about three minutes; that was three minutes I could use to swap dishes in the dishwasher, or sort through my email. Having twins taught me to be good at filling all of those small moments throughout the day that I used to leave idle; not only that, but I quickly learned to fill them with useful tasks.

Prioritization:

Being a parent of twins, you quickly learn that there are simply not enough hours in the day to do everything you'd like to do; often, there is not enough time to do everything you need to do. After the twins were born, time quickly became my most prized resource. I never had enough of it, however, and that meant making decisions and deciding priorities. Often, this meant making sacrifices. Folding diapers takes precedence over shaving. If the twins are going to day care in the morning, that meant we had to have clean clothes, six bottles prepared for them, diapers, medication, all packed and ready to go; only once this was accomplished could we collapse gratefully into bed.

However, I also learned quickly that too much self-sacrifice led to disaster, as well. Sometimes, the correct "next action" is to lay on the couch snoring, blissfully ignoring the heap of dirty clothes in the hamper, the dishes stacked on the counter, and the pile of unopened mail in your inbox.

One thing that did help enormously with setting priorities, as well as knowing when things could be safely ignored, was my reading Getting Things Done by David Allen. (I got it as an audiobook, so I could "read" while folding laundry or while going to get groceries, in keeping with my need to multitask.) The GTD system Allen lays out may not work for everyone, but it did wonders for me, and really did help me keep my head around my many, sometimes conflicting, responsibilities. I continue to use it to this day.

Portability:

In general, I am not a fan of taking work home with you. My employer gets my full attention forty hours every week, but when I'm done for the day, I consider my time my own. Unfortunately, the workplace is increasingly fast-paced, and it can be even worse if you are a freelancer or otherwise self-employed. I've often had to move "at the speed of business", as one of my clients is fond of saying, and as a freelance writer that meant meeting deadlines on short notice. Thankfully, this taught me to be effective at working from anywhere. My laptop and iPhone made it so I could work regardless of my location; even in the hospital when Hanna was being treated for premature labor, I was sitting beside her banging out technical documents and porting software. I responded to emails on my iPhone while cooking dinner. Other services and software, such as audiobooks or Instapaper made sure that I always had something to read when time allowed; I continue to get a lot of reading done standing in the checkout line at the grocery store. Software such as Evernote and Google Docs allowed me to work on documents without being tied to a certain machine; this proved valuable when the hard drive on my workstation crashed.

Delegation of tasks:

One thing that made the experience of having twins not quickly lead to a mental breakdown was how much help we received from family and friends. At first, I felt a bit guilty hearing Hanna's mom get up at three in three morning to tend to babies while I laid, unmoving, in the comfort of my bed. I quickly learned, however, that having other people to help ensured that the work was done. It was difficult at first to let go of having total control, but I eventually learned bow to delegate tasks without either micro-managing every last detail, or, the opposite end, forgetting to follow up and make sure everything was done. This has proved a valuable skill in my day job and freelance work, as well. When I first started my career as a software developer, I had a bad habit of banging my head against a problem and making no progress, instead of just asking someone else to have a quick look or point me in the right direction. As I moved back into a support role when I changed jobs, delegation was vital; we passed tickets back and forth constantly. I continue to use this skill, talking to fellow IT staff when needed, trusting them to do their jobs well -- and remembering to follow up to ensure that nothing falls through the cracks.

Social networking:

Social networking is one of the new buzz words that seems to be popping up everywhere, including business. While I don't know that every company needs a Twitter feed or blog, in my personal life I found social networking services did allow me to easily keep in touch with friends and family all over the world. Pictures of my kids are on Flickr, Facebook lets me argue about politics with friends in different time zones, and this blog has served to let far-away family members know about our adventures in raising children. In my current employment, I share notes about technical problems, policy changes (and the reasons behind them), as well as tips on how to use technology to make your work more efficient. I'm also currently developing a collaborative in-house knowledge base where all of our support staff can contribute. Providing distant family news about the babies and providing tier 1 help desk staff information on the fix for some common issue are skills that are not as far apart as they might first seem.

Resource management:

One more thing that having twins made me very, very good at was budgeting and personal finance. I've always been someone who tracks what they earn and spend; even as a kid I had a spreadsheet where I tracked my allowance and how long it would take me to save enough for whatever toy or video game I was after. Hanna, similarly, has always been excellent at living below her means. When we first found out she was pregnant and we were moving across the country, I remember how she had worked out a preliminary budget for having a baby; x dollars for a crib, y dollars for cloth diapers, z dollars for a car seat, etc. After her first ultrasound and the revelation that she was carrying twins, it was depressing to go back to that post-it note and start multiplying every thing by two. But, depressing as it was, it was a great motivation to save money. We bought many things second-hand; Hanna became an absolute master of finding excellent deals on Craigslist. Some things we did buy new, but many we got used. Some, we just did without, despite the baby-industrial complex insisting that we had to have this or that gadget lest our kids were going to grow up deficient somehow.

At work, this same mindset continues to serve me well. Sometimes you do simply need to spend money, but many times there are options. Do you need commercial software, or is there an open source package that will do just was well for less money? I recently was part of a committee at work to come up with specs for new hardware for users, and knowing when to spend on new things vs. knowing when to make do with existing hardware or software was a big part of that assignment; the experience of having to budget for all the requirements of having twins helped prepare me for that.

Overall, the adventure of having twins has, like all good adventures, been an experience that both pushed me to my limits and provided me with ways to improve myself. And while I don't list "parent of twins" on my resume, I'll certainly mention it during my next job interview.