Into the Wind

A few days ago I was busy making polite, logical arguments, backed up by references -- and completely wasting my time. Over the Independence Day holiday, my Representative had stated a desire "to lead with the love of our Lord and teachings of Jesus Christ" while continuing to defend President Trump's inhumane border policies and overt racism. Reading these statements on her official Facebook page, I entered fray.

Of course, as my spouse was quick to point out, this proved to be futile, and served only to make me more frustrated and annoyed. It didn't matter how polite and courteous I was, it didn't matter how much I backed up my arguments with facts -- nobody responded to genuine questions I raised. I was met with contempt, juvenile insults, and non sequiturs -- but not a single person engaged with the ethical questions, hypocritical behavior, or policy outcomes I pointed out. The more I tried to engage in constructive discussion, the worse it got. I was derided as an elitist and had my faith questioned, but I never did find anyone willing to work with me toward common ground, or even engage with facts and reason.

The more I tried, the more annoyed and frustrated I became. "Why can't these people be consistent? Why does everybody make personal attacks, instead of poking holes in my reasoning? Why do I feel like I'm losing when all the facts are on my side?"

And then I read something from Meditations:

"As Plato said, every soul is deprived of truth against its will. The same holds true for justice, self-control, goodwill to others, and every similar virtue. It's essential to constantly keep this in your mind, for it will make you more gentle to all." -- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.63

These people that I see as antagonists and opponents are still people, just like me -- they want what's best for their families, their communities, their country -- but they are starting from a different place. They don't have my experiences, they haven't read the books I've read, they never sat at the kitchen table with my grandma or heard the personal history of racism from my Aunt Carrie.

It's easy to dismiss people who disagree with you as ignorant. It's easy to get caught up in the melee of debate -- to feel like there are sides, where for one team to win the other has to lose. It's much harder to remember that perceived "opponents" are starting from a different place. They have different experiences, they are seeing things from different places. Sure, there are genuine racists, people who sincerely think that stripping children from their parents isn't a complete moral failing, people with whom you'll never be able to find common ground. But much more often, people that seem to be your antagonists are being lied to and manipulated by the very people they are supporting; they're being conned.

It is up to all of us to remember the Emperor's words, to strive to be gentle and compassionate and understanding, even with people that appear, at first glance, to be against us. They're starting from a different place, and being deprived of truth and justice against their will, perhaps without even knowing that those things are being stolen from them. Don't get drawn into pointless online debates, don't keep consuming news that only serves to stoke your anger, and don't double down just because "someone is wrong on the Internet." Remember who the enemy is, and who it is not.